Wednesday, 28 April 2010

Bunny suits, bad dreams, bridges, Drunk Girls I was a secret agent of some kind, possibly James Bond, definitely wearing a tuxedo underneath my boiler suit / climbing gear. I was climbing up the side of a massive bridge, which was simultaneously The Bridge from the Iain Banks novel of the same name and also the bridge over the M5 near where I used to live. It stretched on for miles with no apparent beginning or end, connecting nothing to nothing. I was going to blow it up.

The pillars of the Bridge were seemingly encrusted with houses, shops, factories, shanty towns, all now empty in the darkness, except for one ultra-modern building near the top. This was the Secret Base of the Conspiracy. I climbed in through the window of an empty office and started to plant dynamite under the desks and behind the filing-cabinets.

From another office I could hear party music and laughter. I crept along a corridor and peered through a partly-opened door. The Secret Leaders of The Conspiracy were taking blood-samples from a line of quaking henchmen. The Leaders were drinking cheap wine and eating party-food, spilling it over the office carpet, laughing and joking and singing. Everyone in the room was dressed as a giant rabbit or bear.....

I retraced my steps to the empty office, where I collected my explosives and grappling hook, and climbed back out the window. After ten minutes of arduous climbing I reached the top of the Bridge. I laid more dynamite along the wide concrete road and then sat back and gazed up at the twinkling stars as I pressed the plunger.....

And many years later I found that the Secret Leaders of the Conspiracy had escaped from my dream, to appear in the new video by LCD Soundsystem. It keeps them off the streets, I suppose.

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