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Parents Confirm Existence Of Bedroom-Based Psychotic Clowns

27-08-09

A MAJOR study has confirmed the existence of salivating, murderous clowns lurking under the bed of every child, Britain's parents said last night.

Supernanny is obsolete

New research suggests the evil circus-performers are easily enraged by tantrums, demands for glasses of water and not allowing mummy and daddy to watch The Wire in peace.

Tom Logan, a parent from Grantham who commissioned the research, said: "Our results confirm that fang-toothed psycho-clowns will tear your arm clean off and then eat it.

"So terrifying are these homicidal knife-weilding maniacs that they now pose an even greater threat to our children than the naughty step."

Logan said the clowns look like Liza Minelli if her head had been covered in glue and then dipped in a bucket full of razorblades and teeth.

He added: "They can become especially alert if there is rhythmic squeaking noise coming from the bedroom of a parent.

"I suggest any child who hears this noise should stay exactly where they are. It should only last about 10 minutes, maybe 15 if daddy's had quite a lot of grown-up juice."

Jack Barnes, a six year-old from Knutsford, said: "I was a very noisy boy until daddy told me the story of Bobo the Slasher who lives under my bed.

"He said that if I refused to eat my tea or if I asked to go pee-pees after bedtime then Bobo would put me in a giant food blender and Supernanny could go fuck herself.

"I'm a good boy now."

( Courtesy of The Daily Mash..... )

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Your problems solved

With Holly Harper, our 10 year-old agony aunt

"Do you want to see the coolest thing ever?"

...were my very words to James a few minutes ago, when I came across the above image by the great Dan McDaid. What's it got? It's got the lot! My favourite super-team of all time, Marvel's greatest supervillain and my all-time favourite fictional hero, The Doctor. And not forgetting Amy, of course... ( How could I? )

Also: Kirby Krackle, a distinct Bruce Timm influence and a nostalgic echo of such classic superhero battles as this one, all wrapped up in Mr. McDaid's wonderful style...

Great stuff!

Soundtrack: Like A Hurricane by Neil Young

Marvel Super Heroes T-Shirts

What the best-dressed young gentlemen are wearing this season...

Followers... they're grrrrrrreat!

Hi to new Followers csmith2884 and Cruella Collett !!

As you can see, the days are certainly packed around here...

Soundtrack: Jump Around by House Of Pain ( It's St. Patrick's Day after all )

Men's Walk 2011

Here's my mate Kev ( no. 319 ) and me ( no. 317 ) having just finished the Men's Walk 2011, a 10km sponsored walk in aid of Cotswold Care Hospice. I'd been saying for some time that there ought to be a men's version of the Race For Life or Midnight Walk - two all-female charity races / walks - and now here was my chance to do my bit for the wonderful people at Cotswold Care.

700 blokes started out at 9am on a grey, gloomy Sunday morning at Gloucester's Kingsholm rugby stadium...

...passed Gloucester Cathedral...

...on through the historic docks...

...and around the outskirts of the City.

By the time we were about half way round the sky cleared and the sun came out. Well, they say the sun shines on the righteous :-)

After two hours of good exercise and good company Kev and I arrived back at Kingsholm for a pie and a pint and a lap of honour around the stadium.

Why is this man smiling? Is it because he's proud to have walked and raised money for a worthy cause...

or because he's just seen the following lovely ladies?

I am not a number I am a free man...

OK, I'm a number today.

I even got to watch my first rugby match, which was far more enjoyable than this strictly non-sports fan had expected. And Gloucester hammered Newport...

Cheers Kev! Same time next year?

Update: whilst I was otherwise occupied, Sophie hacked into my blog and added the tag "Hot Girls" to this post. The little minx. Luckily she didn't add the tag "Middle-aged men with beer-bellies".

Update 2: it turns out that James did the hacking, not Sophie. Little bugger etc. etc.

The meaning of insignificance

First of all my apologies to anyone who's visited The Glass Walking-Stick recently only to find nothing much going on. A combination of tiredness, grim news of local cutbacks affecting James's education, and a general lack of inspiration has meant I haven't posted anything lately and my inner Jiminy Cricket has been trying to kick my arse back to the keyboard without much success.

On top of all this, the horrific news from Japan has been much in my thoughts for the last couple of days and it makes me feel that my usual delusional ramblings here are rendered even more pointless in the face of such a catastrophe. Judging by a post on Saranga's blog I'm not alone in thinking that way. I don't personally know anyone in Japan ( although I'm glad to hear that fellow blogger Momo is out of harm's way ) but it's hard to see how such terrible events are affecting people on the other side of the globe and then sit down and write self-indulgently about comics or some-such. It reminds me of that awful feeling of helplessness we all felt 10 years ago as we watched the Twin Towers fall.....

Anyway, I don't want to bring everyone down so hopefully I'll resume (ab)normal service soon. And, on that subject, I've got a question for all you lovely people out there:

What do YOU want to see at The Glass Walking-Stick?

I'm always interested in what people think of this blog and I love to receive comments and suggestions. So I'd really like to know if people are loving my movie and TV reviews, diggin' my mumblings about music ( also available on 15 Albums ) or just scratching their heads and wondering why I don't talk about

( choose your own topic ) instead. Or perhaps nobody gives a toss? Hopefully that's not the case ;-)

So, if you've got a burning desire to see me write about, I don't know, goats in biplanes or the philosophy of cheese, then give me the nod in the comments section below.

Anyway, to finish off this slightly schizophrenic post I'll just mention that tomorrow morning I'm taking part in the Men's Walk 2011, a sponsored 10km walk in aid of a local hospice. Hopefully I'll put some photos on here at a later date...

3001: A Blog Odyssey

I fed the mice on the treadmill, oiled the seized gears and polished the rusty flange ( steady! ) and pushed the controls for the atomic pile to the limit.....

There was a wheezing and groaning sound and then... the numbers came in.

It's official: This post has received just in excess of 3000 page views. Let joy be unconfined! ( Well, she has been chained up in that cellar for quite some time now... )

Possibly not my most erudite or well-informed post ( judging by the lack of comments ), but it does contain those holy internet key-words "Bond" and "Babes" which have obviously worked their search-engine magic. Maybe I ought to tag everything like that from now on.

Oh yeah, and tag everything with the word "sex" as well. That tends to work...

Seeing red

Danger...

A big "Hi!" to new Followers Diabolik

( super villain extraordinaire )

and Steve ( of Moody By Name fame )

Welcome on board!

Update

And welcome to another Follower who's just arrived, Ray Perez!

Jane Russell

Another of Hollywood's greats has sadly passed away.

Here's the late Jane Russell in a publicity still for her most iconic role in The Outlaw.....

And with Marilyn Monroe in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes

RIP Jane Russell 21st June 1921 - 28th February 2011